somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
