Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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