1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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