I should be sponsored by Trojan
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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