I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
