I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
