And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
