if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
