by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
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Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
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Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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