oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
