no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
