Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
