Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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