Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
