4 words: hood of his car
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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