It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
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