$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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