I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
