Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
