I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
