dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
