you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
