Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
