they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
