he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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