party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You're like the curious george of whores
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
