Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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