I wanna passion pit in your ass
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
