yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
