So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
