I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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