It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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