four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
