11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
