My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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