If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
