i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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