You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
