There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
