i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
