I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
