he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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