I skipped work to stalk him.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
