I'd wear matching sweaters with you
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
