She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
