i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Fuck appropriateness.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
