but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
