Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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