So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
