Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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