My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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