it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
oh god the rape fog is back!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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