im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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