I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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