I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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