Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
