eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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