I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
did you just send me my own nude
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
