can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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