im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
