hotel room ftw
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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