how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize