just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
