just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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