you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
