I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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