Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
