Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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