Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
