The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
