He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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