So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
