I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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