I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
